Betrayal and Trust

Trust is gained and earned. Betrayal is a human inevitability–a lesson we all experience to varying degrees. The skeptical but honest truth is the only person you can trust is yourself, but then even at times one can falter when the heart out reasons the mind and vice-versa. Once betrayed can things ever be the same? Can that person be ever trusted again?

It is within the human fabric to learn to trust others, however deceit and betrayal whether premeditated or unintentional are becoming commonplace where ‘sorry’ is too late or not enough. Those that forgive consistently I admire from a distance, but question their actions in that by continually forgiving, coupled with their inaction; they are sending a message that this behavior is acceptable. Not only that, but they do a disservice to the perpetrator, who is not on the path to learning a valuable life lesson. Those who forgive too often, bear a responsibility to confront and question rather than to passively forgive. The perpetrator ‘gets away with it’ and then become bolder and continues deluding themselves that it was unnoticed or it did not matter. This is where karmic debt accumulates, if not in this incarnation it will surface eventually.

I do not think it inhuman of me to have feelings of disgust and abhorrence at those who have taken advantage of my good nature, abused my trust and betrayed me. I trust in the Law of Karma to rebalance things as I would be debasing and lowering myself to ‘their’ level should I wish to retaliate. Silence and inaction maybe be mistaken for weakness, the negative thoughts should exist as a momentary realization and as a lesson to learn of what has taken place and then released. Not always easy to do, but it is only human to do the best we can.

Once the line has been crossed, there is no return.There are times where we instinctively and intuitively know we are being duped, but we take that humanistic chance that ‘we maybe proved wrong’ and ‘to give the benefit of the doubt’. Having experienced this scenario countless times (and painfully suffered and countered the consequences) whilst some may say noble, the lesson I needed to learn was to air and address concerns and doubts and listen to your intuition. Ironically I have always sensed when being deceived, betrayed or let down, but my lesson was also to learn to trust and when that trust is broken then you have the right to act accordingly.

Experiencing betrayal at an early age when one is innocent and vulnerable is hard, but makes for a strong and independent individual. For those with a sheltered life who discover betrayal when all they have known is truth and honesty are less prepared to deal with the emotions and how to deal with the consequences. Often they shut down their emotions and erect iron-clad barriers and their perception of humanity changes irrevocably.

I question why we choose our parents and siblings before we incarnate–perhaps to learn the lessons of trust and betrayal early on?  It is not uncommon those who genetically created us or share the same DNA find it easier to deceive us. Hypothetically they are the ones you should be able to trust unconditionally and without hesitation, but they are aware of your Achilles’ heel, thus your vulnerabilities. Conversely there are parents who will lay their life down for their offspring and even love to the point of smothering. The sheltering of ‘real life’ can hinder one as much as a betrayal. Knowing how to cope with deceit and betrayal is a fundamental part of being human, despite well wishing parents wanting to shield their offspring from the less pleasant side of life in the real world. Some of us cope or deal with it, some deny and bury their heads in the sand and others retaliate or enact revenge. Each circumstance brings with it our own individual lessons that we have chosen to learn.

Friends are the family we consciously choose here (also part of our soul group at times) and their betrayal is greater in that we have chosen to trust them. A friend that consistently deceives and betrays is no friend. I believe in forgiving and a second chance, but once chances go into double figures, you are a better friend by releasing them to find their path. They will perennially deceive themselves and their dark path without being dramatic will grow and your inaction will exacerbate this. Not only does their negative energy infringe upon you, but in turn they ‘acquire’ your positive energy. By not confronting and addressing their behavior, you inadvertently are contributing to their dark path.

The current trend is to be ‘politically correct’ and ‘to have an official line’, but if it affects you directly you have the right to protect and defend yourself. People hide behind ambiguity, unable or afraid to face the consequences of their actions; finding excuses or reasons to blame others when we are all responsible for our own actions.

There are clinics and rehabilitation programs for those addicted to deceit, but ultimately each person is aware, conscious and responsible for their inappropriate behavior. They can escape punishment and bypass consequences, but have chosen to continue in the same manner as the norm for themselves. People may bare their souls, apologize in therapy but understanding the harm caused is not always realistically possible. Many opt to say they have found religion as an answer, but that is rarely the case and is an excuse to clutch to. They look to beliefs that one wishes to aspire to or feel that is what one ought to–in reality we interpret each belief according to our own experience. True repentance is rare, not impossible, when the tables have been turned one can begin to truly understand and experience the pain inflicted, but that is not the solution, that is revenge. If fate intervenes and circumstances dictate thus so, but to manipulate situations renders one’s action no better than the perpetrator.

There are the rare gems that you stumble upon, ones who you can trust and rely on; when found, I question their motives and have had trouble in accepting that these people exist. They are scarce but they have learned their lessons and they have rebuilt my faith in humanity and allow my ability to trust to grow, however slow! The barrier remains, but softens and occasionally a brick will loosen and fall.

Trust is the first thing we learn in life; we trust those around us who nurture and care for us unconditionally–it is what makes us human. Betrayal is the lesson we learn when trust is abused. It may wound and scar us, but wounds heal and the scars remind us of the lesson learned. The phrase ‘second chance’ exists and we as humans are susceptible to errors in judgment and everyone is entitled to a second chance if so given. Each of us are responsible for our own actions and if those actions impact on others.

The ultimate betrayal is of yourself , if you consciously deceive yourself.

Copyright © 2013 S.T.Alvyn All Rights Reserved


3 thoughts on “Betrayal and Trust

  1. I want to thank you from the heart for this article which has brought great comfort to me in relation to issues of trust and betrayal. It seems that my whole life has been tainted with betrayal, which began with those who should have protected me and it would seem that a pattern was then set. I accept there might be karmic reasons, I guess that would make sense in the greater scheme of things. With all due respect to you, everything that you have said here I already know myself and yet how wonderful it is to hear someone else use tbe very words that are in ones own heart, it simply clarifies everything. Thank you again. I too have like you not listened to my own inner guiding principle at times and have always paid the price as a result. With regards to your gift of actually knowing.. if I were to ever have the good fortune to recieve such wisdom from you I know that I would recognise that truth and trust it. Sometimes we need another soul to help us to clarify answers to questions that we desperatly need answers to. I will continue now to read your work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sometimes life lessons are painful and hard, but self realization empowers us and allows us to take more control of things.
      Sadly human nature can be disappointing at times, but those are lessons for others to learn when they are ready. I hope my writings help those like yourself but also for those who cannot see things as they are and perhaps open their eyes.


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