Friend or Foe?

Are friends really the family we choose or are they people that come into our lives for a specific reason and then disappear? I expect loyalty and honesty from my friends as I have chosen them (or maybe re chosen on this plane) where family blood is one thing,  but trust and honesty don’t always accompany the flow in the same bloodline.

To me the term ‘friend’ is too easily banded around, you can be a social media friend, but a true friend is one who is there for you unconditionally, will not judge even when you are making poor decisions, support you through whatever and encourage you to do what your heart desires and pick up the pieces when need be. It goes without saying one hopes that this is reciprocated. Well that’s my definition of friendship that I follow. I am a good friend, but of late this has been abused and whilst I do not expect reciprocation, nor do I expect a friendship to be one way and to be taken for granted. Some assume my silence is a carte blanche for ‘getting away’ with things–let me tell you when you awaken, you see people for who they really are, a little like Dorian Gray. It doesn’t stop me being friends, but seeing through the masks of deception is enlightening, but also disappointing.

The bigger picture is they, the friends who are now foe are fooling themselves, they are aware of their actions and must learn and live with the consequences of their behavior. My conscience is clear and I can look in the mirror and know I have done the right thing. Deceiving a friend is not friendship–when you realize this, the dilemma is to confront them or walk away? I have done both– confrontation does little except it gets it out of your system. Like a lover who cheats on you, how can you trust them again? The relationship can never be the same. Walking away gives you control and then the ‘friend’ may reflect on whether their behavior was acceptable or not, but it is for them to decide.

I hold the foe (faux) friendships at a distance, true friends show their colors in times of need. When no one is there to help you move home, when you are stranded at the airport or when you have had your wallet stolen then you know who your real friends are. There are those who count who has paid for what: but can you put a cost on someone who puts their life on hold to help you through a breakup, a suicide attempt and puts a roof over your head when you are homeless? Whilst I have done things without any expectation or thanks, I do not expect these people alleged friends to then extort me and attempt to cheat me. My tough lesson is regardless of what you do, do not expect anything in return. Good and kind deeds are to help, unfortunately some misinterpret this as a weak nature. Quite the contrary, I can help, but I can walk away too.

Finding a true friend is indeed a gift, but like all relationships needs to be respected and reciprocated. Friendships may come and go, but never be afraid to let go of a friend who becomes a foe, they may attempt to make you feel guilty, but that is their guilt and a means to justify their behavior to themselves. Being a good friend is more important than the number of friends you have, as is the quality of friendship regardless of age,time or distance. Sometimes our lives drift in different directions, but friendships remain deep rooted in the memories.

We choose which friends we keep close and those that we let go of, sometimes that is the best thing you can for them as a friend.


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